A page from Baji’s diary


So busy, so busy that don’t ask. Had to attend two weddings last week. Two more lined up for coming month. Naturally and as you can imagine, I will run out of pretty chamkeelay kapray to wear. Pretty soon. Although admittedly it is another story that the expected guest-list in next weddings will be entirely different from the previous one, I have inherited woman genes. Sigh, my salary is going to vanish again. Bilkul ghaib.

Khair chorain is baat ko. I have been so busy, so much busy of late ke bus na poochain. Oho, I forgot to tell you that I was again late to leave home. 2 mints. Just 2 mints. Had to face my sisters’ wrath, especially the elder sister’s. You know how elder sisters are. Waddi pehn! Rushed to office but reached in time. Thanks to my driver’s rash and careless driving which comes in handy in times like these. Making a mental note that I will cut down on the late-night show of Greedy Spider and Twitter that I am taken to, I inch towards my work station. Oh, have I shown you how my work station looks like? Here… bilkul aisa. Love this seat because the twin-windows help me keep an eye on the icecream wala, challi wala and channay wala to feed my paapi pait.


room 2

9:00 PM – All set on my system, I check my mails. A lot of new work, updates and tasks from the US team. Great, I tell myself. There is something about work that excites me. I love work. I check my watch. Where is my team of writers? So, there are again late. Perfect. Girls. I make a mental note to give them a piece of mind when they arrive. I mean this is work and they must take it seriously and professionally. I am their team lead, I remind myself. Kuch to roab jamao, Baji. But soon my dreams of becoming the bad cop get smashed when both of them arrive with a difference of a couple of minutes. That’s not late. Bachh gain! I tsk-tsk and outline the day’s work for them.

I check Twitter. Tweet, tweet, tweet!

It’s 11:00 AM and I get hunger pangs. Shucks! I must eat something with chai otherwise I won’t be able to concentrate. No, Baji, don’t do this. You need to tone down and shed the fat. And remember you are committed to cut down on carbs? This is my conscience speaking, always kir-karring my mood and cravings. Khair, daffa kero isko. I ignore the voices in my head and order biskoots, chips and tea. Dieting and healthy eating habits? Kal dekhain gay.

Chai is here. I am having chips and now I open my favorite Express Tribune ka Blog section. I love this shit. This is a not–to–be–missed paper that is laden with controversy and non-sense of all sorts. After all, where would you read blogs like;

  1. How dare you close down KFC for my Christian driver in Ramzan? (no one mentions or questions the fact that perhaps the driver class doesn’t afford KFC or Hardees but no, this is ET where a voice, no matter how absurd, must be raised.)
  2. Take the white out of our flag because an Ahmedi has been persecuted and harassed and refused a job in so-and-so company RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES.
  3. Make Pakistan prosperous. Bring Secularism, Homosexuality and fake liberalism here.
  4. Let us spread love – gay love. Yippie!
  5. Reject mullahism. Accept Homosexuality.

This is brilliant. This pure Express Tribune bollocks. A quintessential tabloid giving you chaska news, masala and tarka. In ZahraEnglish of course. Oh and that ET Blog Editor – Zahra Peer Muhammad has blocked me. *&^%$#@.

Shaking my head, I switch to Friday Times and read some more fake masala from Najam Saithi and Jugnu Mohsin. This reminds me, Najam Saithi has blocked me on Twitter as well. O_o

Why? I must have ‘politely disagreed’ with these psuedos. Trust me, it takes only this muchNajam Saithi to get a block on Twitter. (Not from me though. I don’t block you at all. I am Shareef – Baji Shareef)


1:00 PM – I chit-chat with my team girls. Good girls, I tell you. In these days when girls are so fast and sharp, I am lucky my girls are hard working and masoom si. We work some more and leave for lunch.

4:00 PM – Chai is here. A cup of strong tea. This office boy makes a special cup of tea mere liay. Cheeni patti thok ke, dudh zara rok k.

Chai with Twitter, a’ala! I skim through my TL. Check everyone’s tweets. Retweet a few and favorite dhair saari others.

Done with the work, It’s 5:00 PM now. I must wrap up my work and be ready before my sisters show up. Jaldi kero, Baji. My phone keeps ringing as they wait for me outside. There… ring ring… see? My Samsung Galaxy S3 goes berserk. Oh see, you now know I have S3 even without me showing-off. Zabardast!

So you kids with rotten lives, Baji is off today and since she is in a hurry, she will skip the day at gym. Again. She will think of her fat bottom tomorrow, not today.


7 thoughts on “A page from Baji’s diary

  1. All the clothing & body weight concerns make me glad I’m a guy. I have only one set of ‘formal’ clothes and have been wearing them consistently on every social event I have been invited to this year…. which are nonexistent. Yup, I’m a social outcast. The last time I attended a wedding was four years ago. 😥

    I also don’t have an awesome system, an S3 or subordinates I can boss around. Baji just made me develop an inferiority complex. 😥

    By the way, I literally read *exactly* the same newspapers as you. The Friday Times and the Express Tribune. I wasn’t aware Sethi sahab’s paper was very popular, though.

    I hope Baji posts another diary entry on her blog, this was pretty awesome. 🙂


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