20 Tips to Get Your Blog Published In Express Tribune

ET

  1. Necessary trait – you should have the knack of spilling bullcrap. Endlessly. Needlessly.
  2. All the non-issues in Pakistan should be your biggest issues.
  3. Use flashy vocabulary. No, wait, use flashy lexis. That too, incessantly. Randomly punch in synonyms inappropriately in your blog post. Showiness and flamboyance will get you straight through.
  4. Voice for Qadiani rights in Pakistan. Toss away the reasonability. Blindly blame Zia for the ruination of Pakistan while completely ignoring the fact that it was under Bhutto’s regime that Ahmedis were declared non-Muslims for political reasons.
  5. Trivialize Pakistan’s achievements and magnify its problems.
  6. Pretend to be a homosexual for a day or two. Or for the sake of getting your blog published.
  7. Be provocative, no matter how feeble and ridiculous your argument is. Cook up excuses to be controversial.
  8. Watch each and every Bollywood trashy movie and write a thought-provoking review. Why, you can even have a direct hit by talking about something as absurd as Koffee with Karan.
  9. Bash Coke Studio for no god damn reason.
  10. Bash Waar.
  11. Dismiss the involvement of India and CIA in the terrorist activities in Pakistan as nonsensical conspiracy theories.
  12. It is very important that you speak against the radicalization that madrassas are producing and the imminent danger of extremism in Pakistan. This is a bull’s eye.
  13. Pretend to be a graduate of a foreign university or at least act as if you live anywhere but in scummy Pakistan. Even India will do. If you have been to Israel, that’s a plus.
  14. Be a fake liberal. Denounce Islam. Support Aman ki Asha and the acceptance of India as the Big Boss of South Asia.
  15. Eulogize Veena Malik’s boldness. Discuss the curves of dusky Mathira.
  16. Curse Pakistan for prosecuting Dr. Abdul Salam. Be oblivious of the fact that the Government of Pakistan issued a commemorative stamp to honor the late scientist.
  17. Discuss how Pakistan is a failed sorry little state that has yet to benefit from the wonders and glory of secularism.
  18. Support Bilawal Bhutto Zardari. Find a great leader in him.
  19. Blame Pakistan for all the rape cases happening in India. Dig up all the old and new rape cases in Pakistan. Save India’s blotchy face by telling the world, Hey, hold your horses, world! Pakistan, not India, is actually a Rapistan.’
  20. Oh, and yes, if all else fails, bad-mouth Imran Khan. Blame him for everything wrong in the country. Oh boy, this will surely win you a slot in ET Blog section.

Do all of the above and make your debut in Express Tribune’s Blog section. Congratulations, you have first heard from me.

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17 thoughts on “20 Tips to Get Your Blog Published In Express Tribune

  1. You forgot to mention one thing you also have to be liked by the now ex web desk editor or her friends to be published, if she or any off her close friends do not like you, you can forget about getting published. Also if your related to her or from her close circle, it really helps to get published.

    Like

  2. Funny blog yet makes sense , our main concern is that we will never see a positive blog from peshawar or any other city, it’s all about Karachi

    Like

  3. The first time i applied they respond that already people have written on this topic
    I choose another topic, submit they respond this is not our criteria.
    Good Luck next time

    Like

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