Pakistan in 2050

Pakistan 2050This is year 2050. Pakistan, that we once knew, say in 2015, has changed tremendously. Or has it really?

Below is the glimpse of literally Naya Pakistan.

  1. The government vows to end energy crisis till 3058. Promise.
  2. Malala has moved back to Pakistan and is currently running for the PM, from the PPP, of course. She is now known as Malala Bhutto Yusufzai.
  3. Jibran Nasir has successfully staged 6.7 millionth protest outside Lal Masjid. This time the strength was extraordinarily high, no fewer than 13 full participants were seen. Nasir has been struggling for decades to transform Lal Masjid into a coffee house.
  4. Farhan K Virk has been elected the new chairman of the PTI. His unparalleled services and countless Twitter trends have finally paid off. While the gullible Insafians throw a break-dance party, the decision has sparked deep chasms in the party. Rumor has it that the party may split into two factions – Suleman Khan led PTI-Haqeeqi and Virk led PTI-Insafi.
  5. The Election Commission is still auditing 2013 elections. Results expected to be announced real soon.
  6. Bilawal Bhutto, having long since quit politics, runs his own beauty salon – Mera Nakhra, Totally Wakhra – in the UK. Yes, he is out. Plans are underway that Bilawal Lovers Organizations will soon open a local branch in Karachi. The customers are just too many.
  7. Asifa Bhutto, vice-chairperson PPP (the chairperson is 95 years old Asif Ali Zardari), vows to bring BB Shaheed’s murderers to justice.
  8. Altaf Bhai is in RIP.
  9. While Bhutto is still alive.
  10. Islam is still in danger, and needs more-aggressive-than-ever saving.
  11. The PML-N is obsolete. The Sharif clan has long since fled to the Saudi Arabia. Their last mega project was the 116-lane motorway connecting Raiwind directly to the Saudi Arabia with numerous underpasses and fancy overheads. The entire length of motorway was beautifully adorned with miniature metros, motorways, peeli taxis and sasti rotis.
  12. Shahid Afridi has taken back his ODI resignation, saying he is still young and energetic, and has plenty of years ahead of him.
  13. Meera is still single and looking. In her desperation she has proposed to a tree, a potato, a chair, and a few thousand “Will you fraandship me?” strangers in her Facebook’s “others” messages.
  14. Ali Zafar to release Ebola Remix.
  15. Having expired all his options, Talat Hussain now appears on Madni TV. His show’s name is Naya Talat Hussain.
  16. Talking to the reporters, the self-certified religious scholar, and femininely-acclaimed gay fashion designer, Amir Liaqat says he has been divinely inspired to launch designer pants, flashy tees and pink spectacles and watches for men. Mashallah, of course.
  17. A new age of Liberal Darkness has surfaced in Pakistan.
  18. Asma Jehangir III is vociferously campaigning for LGBT rights in Pakistan. She says that had it not been for the army, the LGBT community would have gotten their ethical and deserved rights back in the times of Asma Jehangir I.
  19. LUMS has sparked yet another controversy by banning lectures of religious scholar Hamza Abbasi, the former heartthrob and actor. Visibly shaken, the PTI chief Farhan K Virk promises to stage a dharna in Abbasi’s defense, and of course, innumerable Twitter trends. Some of the trends include:
  • #LUMSDudeThisIsSoRude
  • #LUMSMustSuccumb
  • #YoLUMSSoBad
  • #LUMSTeriShamatAyee
  1.  The last date of sim verification has been extended to June 12, 2058. The PTA confirms for the nth time that all unregistered sims will be permanently blocked after the last date. This was warning number 679821st.

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